If you don’t know Old Bay, then you’re either not from the Old Line State, don’t vacation in Fell’s Point, or have never enjoyed Chesapeake Bay Blue Crab. But Old Bay need not just sit in the back of your spice cabinet waiting for your next crab feast. This spice is outstanding on… well, pretty much everything. I sprinkle it on tacos, pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes, grilled corn, even microwavable popcorn. So it was only a matter of time since it got worked up into a recipe for my beloved wings.

This is a French dish named after the detective in Michael Mann’s brilliant TV show, Miami Vice. From 1984 to 1989 there was simply no other televised program that could complete with the music, fashion, cool cars, and fast boats on display each week. If you’ve ever worn a white sportscoat with the sleeves pushed up to your elbows, over a pastel shirt, wearing loafers with no socks, then you know what I’m talking about. This show had it all. Kind of like this delicious appetizer. It’s got all the tastiest of your antipasto favorites rolled into the comforting softness of potatoes and then fried into crispy delicious bites.

If you have ever been to China, or a Chinatown, or a Chinese Restaurant, (or watched a movie set in one of these locations), you have no doubt seen poultry or pork barbequed to a beautiful, deep red color. While this sauce is traditionally red in color, red fermented bean curd is not an ingredient that is easily found and I just can’t get myself to buy red food coloring just to make this sauce look pretty. But if you’re entertaining and want to go for the “wow factor”, a couple drops of red food coloring will make this marinade look like traditional Char Siu Sauce.

This is one of my favorite dishes. So creamy delicious and then topped with the french-fried onion crunchies. Freakin’ awesome. So why do I only eat this twice a year? And you know the days: Thanksgiving and Christmas. This dish is too easy, way affordable, and super tasty, to not be in your rotation of normal meals. Why a recipe, when it’s written on every can of soup, beans, and fried onions, you ask? Because that recipe sucks. Notice the absence of milk (makes it thicker and more decadent) and the addition of pancetta and fresh mushrooms (makes it badass).

The Sharks and the Jets. James Bond and Blofeld. Pat’s King of Steaks and Geno’s Steaks. Mortal enemies that have battled over the ages. While Passyunk Avenue is the Graceland of meat served on a long roll, there’s no reason that tasty cheesesteaks can’t be made in the comfort of your own home. You get extra points if the comfort of your home is actually in South Philly. Then you know how to make them wit’ onions and “cheez”.

Why is this burger called a beaver? Because dam is it good! What if a burger and a bratwurst had a baby? Don’t concern yourself with the anatomical questions, just dare to dream. Add a pretzel bun and some Beer-Butter Onions into the mix and you’ve got some quality Food Porn. Dam!

One pot. Forget about how easy doing the dishes will be and consider the appeal of dropping all of your favorite seafood and veggies into a spicy broth that cooks up the entire meal in less than 30 minutes. If you’re not from South Carolina, then you might know this dish by other names depending on where in the country you reside and what seafood you’re boiling up. This is family style cooking at its best. Make sure everyone has an ice-cold beverage, some melted butter for dipping, and then start peeling and eating.

Why crab fries? Because paying bills sucks, going to work is a drag, doing your taxes is cruel and unusual punishment, and basically, just trying to adult every day is exhausting. You deserve the ultimate comfort food. Fries: delicious. Crab meat: delicious. Creamy sauce: delicious. So instead of quitting your job, selling all your belongings, and joining that group of friends you met on the internet that lives out in the desert (which is a cult by the way), why not treat yourself to this crispy, decadent, seafood snack instead.

Salad sucks. Unless it’s warm. And has bacon. Let’s check both those boxes at once and take this train to Octoberfest. Besides, since this isn’t in the Salad Chapter, how can it really be a salad? Hmmm…

Don’t go fishing with Al Neri in Lake Tahoe. There’s no shrimp in the lake, and even though your younger brother Michael forgave you for betraying him to Hyman Roth, ‘Il bacio della morte’ should never be taken lightly. But after a long day with “the family”, a huge bowl of shrimp fettuccini smothered in ‘Fredo sauce is just the thing you need.